As I mentioned in my last post, I spent the majority of the year of 2008 wondering if I would ever meet...we'll call him Paul, being visited by another person I met online whom I should not have let come, who doesn't even get a fake name and all the while trying to figure out what I was going to do with the rest of my life. Well, around March of 2008, I told Paul that I was done and just couldn't handle not knowing if he and I would ever meet, and cut off communication with him, and then succeeded to have the visitor that June (foolish of me, I know, I learned from that big time).
Well, during my first semester at college, I realized that I still had feelings for Paul and wanted so desperately to completely apologize to him for cutting him off so suddenly like I did. I e-mailed him several times, and eventually got a response. He was obviously still upset, but I explained all of my actions as best as I could, hoping to mend what I broken. However, God had other plans. As I also mentioned in the previous weblog, I no longer talk to Paul, but am now dating a guy I've known since I was 5 years old (his dad and mine are good friends so we would randomly hang out over the years).
The mistake I made? I told Paul that I didn't really like the guy I'm currently dating, and at the time I said that, it was true as I had not seen him for several years. But then, Jared (my current boyfriend) came to Kansas City and he and I hung out and....everything changed, literally everything.
Unfortunately, Paul discovered my newfound 'in a relationship' status through my previous weblog here on Xanga. I deeply regret not talking to Paul about this as well. I would have explained that when I saw Jared in person, I didn't want to leave, I wanted to stay there and talk to him all night long. The day I learned my boyfriend wanted to ask me out (after we had been at the Kansas City Plaza and Crown Center, with his younger brother and my best friend of almost 15 years), I came home to see that Paul had e-mailed me. In this e-mail he informed me that I am a lier, a cheater, a user, and an abuser. All of those are true with him, that I cannot deny. But as I said, God had different plans. Had Paul and I been meant to be, it would have worked out and I would not have been left in the dark as to when I would actually see this man in person! For all I knew, I probably wouldn't even be attracted to him physically, which, like it or not, that is a bit of requirement if you plan on spending the rest of your life with someone.
So, my lesson learned? I learned that it pays to be honest, even when the truth hurts, either yourself or the person you are speaking with.
Besides, we would do well to not forget that God is on our side and through Him, we can do anything. His power and limitless, and He is the source of our power, which means that our power is also limitless.